I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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