So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
cat food counts as protein by the way
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
