I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
