i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
They have beer where we have blood.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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