never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
