dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
