i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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