im holly from the hills drunk
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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