Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
