I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
