I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
