I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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