He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize