I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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