false alarm. still invincible.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
