I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
