I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
