we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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