I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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