we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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