Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
