im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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