Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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