Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
