You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
