I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
