So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
