hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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