I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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