dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
