Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
