It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
