I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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