And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
