Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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