i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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