Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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