Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm passing your future prison.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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