I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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