I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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