Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
