I just saw a hot homeless man
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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