So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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