i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
