It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
