dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
