Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
