first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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