I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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