He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
