and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
