bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
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Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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