Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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