Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
