She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
