Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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