Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
