i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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