and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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