How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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