you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
