I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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