Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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